"A GOOD WORD IS BETTER THAN SILENCE AND SILENCE IS BETTER THAN USELESS TALK"

About Me

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Seremban, Malaysia
A life I live is a story, what's done is done. Where it goes from here is totally up to me. I write my own ending.

Wednesday, 26 March 2014

My March

I'm supposed to made this entry on the 22nd March as it was my birthday anniversarry; but I'm not.

Susah untuk carik perkataan lagi.
Laptop atas meja terbiar, tiap kali pandang, memori itu datang...

Hari ini saya kalah, perlu menulis sesuatu sebelum April datang.

Sudah terlalu banyak perkara di dalam fikiran yang buat susah jadinya untuk saya type every each of my words. Makin serabut. Tak tahu nak dulukan yang mana, kerana celaru dengan 1001 cerita yang ingin di luah, tapi tak tahu yang mana satu nak mula.

Sebagaimana saya selalu rasakan bulan March adalah suatu bulan yang teramat sacred bagi diri saya, kini saya rasakan sebaliknya. 

Terlalu banyak peristiwa yang saya hadapi dalam bulan ini. 

Ada yang suka ada yang duka.
Some was so difficult for me to handle.
Terok sangat dah perasaan ni.

No matter how far I have walked, my move does'nt bring me anywhere. 
I just go round the circles.

Anyway, 
Alhamdulillah, i reached my 30 years of age last Saturday.
Masih ada rezeki dari Tuhan, kepanjangan umur dan kesihatan yang baik.
Juga suami yang masih di sisi dan juga anak-anak yang kian membesar.

No cake from Razi tis year as ai requested earlier from him please don't buy birthday cake for me. It made me feel awful celebrating my happy days' while myself and others was in deeply sadness.

Perhaps along never forget to buy me cake every year and tis weekend plan jadi ke agaknya? And yesterday my RM and opismate juga tak lupa my birthday cake. :)  

Flash back on my 22nd March last year, it was the last time I celebrated my birthday with Babah, walaupun Babah dalam ward, but Along managed to brought the cake to hospital and that was the last prayer ai heard from Babah for me.  

Tuhan hanya pinjamkan Babah setahun sahaja lagi untuk saya sebelum tuhan ambil babah dari saya selama-lamanya.

I know tis story will only bring tears and break my heart to pieces but still ai need to continue my journey, the timeline of my story have to be keep here.

Tuhan itu adil. Perancangan Tuhan Maha hebat.

Tuhan beri saya kedukaan yang sedalam-dalamnya, tapi Tuhan sulamkan dengan kemurahan rezeki untuk saya, suami dan anak-anak.

Nyatanya Tuhan mendengar saya, perancangan untuk bekerja di Seremban by end of tis year, tuhan permudahkan, malah Tuhan permudahkan pencarian saya dan received the job offer seawal tahun ini. 

End of February, ai received a job offer from SEB, Seremban. They reviewed my resume from the jobstreet and they called for an interview, ai went for the interview and the next day ai got the job. Simple as 1 2 3. 

Terlalu pantas sepertimana Babah pergi tinggalkam kami selamanya. Sobs. 

Dan tak sangka my resignation letter on the 24th actually was a sign that ai have to be in Seremban secepatnya, yang agaknya macam ada sesuatu perkara yang akan berlaku. 

And after a week Babah left us, Malaysian was shocked by the missing of flight MH370. And yesterday PM declared that the flight ended in the Indian Ocean and all 239 peoples on board killed. 

My heart felt and deepest condolences to the family who lost their love ones of this unprecedented incident. :( 

Sedangkan aku ini diuji dengan dugaan yang begini, tetapi sebenarnya masih ada yang diuji dengan lebih besar dugaan berbanding aku.

Ya Rabb, kuatkan aku untuk terus mengerti, that everythings happened for a reason. And ai have to believe on that. Have faith.

Oh, selamat hari polis ke 207, babah. 

Thursday, 13 March 2014

Surat untuk Babah - My Unsung Hero, C/Insp 13825 Abd Ghafar bin Hj Abdullah


Al-fatihah untuk arwah babah-ku yang dicintai..
juga untuk penumpang pesawat MH370.. 
 
بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيم

الْحَمْدُ للّهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ
الرَّحْمـنِ الرَّحِيمِ
مَالِكِ يَوْمِ الدِّينِ
إِيَّاكَ نَعْبُدُ وإِيَّاكَ نَسْتَعِينُ
اهدِنَــــا الصِّرَاطَ المُستَقِيمَ
صِرَاطَ الَّذِينَ أَنعَمتَ عَلَيهِمْ غَيرِ المَغضُوبِ عَلَيهِمْ وَلاَ الضَّالِّينَ
      
Maksudnya: 

Dengan menyebut nama Allah Yang Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Penyayang. 

Segala puji bagi Allah, Tuhan semesta alam. 
Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Penyayang. 
Yang menguasai di Hari Pembalasan 
Hanya Engkaulah yang kami sembah, dan hanya kepada Engkaulah kami meminta pertolongan. 
Tunjukilah kami jalan yang lurus, 
(yaitu) Jalan orang-orang yang telah Engkau beri ni'mat kepada mereka; bukan (jalan) mereka yang dimurkai dan bukan (pula jalan) mereka yang sesat. 

 ________________________________________________________


Assalammualaikum wbt my dearest babah,

It takes me forever to finish this entry, 
it has been a sad month for me and also for the entire Malaysians.

After we lost you, Malaysians is deeply saddened by the news of mysteriously vanished of flight MH370.

I am totally in sorrow. Confius. What more.

DugaanMu, Ya Rabb.
Buat aku terfikir, Maha Agung kuasaMu.

Ketika Kau berikan aku kesedihan di atas pemergian babah, tapi Kau tunjukkan yang sebenarnya ada lagi yang lebih bersedih di atas erti sebuah kehilangan.

0130 am on 3rd of March 2014, you left us without saying any words or goodbye.
You left us at the age of 62 due to heart attack.

No words can describe the feelings. It was so heart breaking. 
It happened so fast. 
It hurts me more everytime I'm thinking of you.

Ya Rabb, kau limpahkan aku dengan rezeki yang melimpah ruah pada awal tahun ini tetapi Kau duga aku dengan Kau ambil nyawa orang yang satu satunya aku sayangi. 

Hebatnya perancangan Mu, tuhanku.

Saturday, 1st March, evening, mommy told me ur leg was swollened because you tried to clean ur feet with clorox. You said your feet was so dirty and that's why you soaked your feet until it started to cracked. Oh God, if only I know that was a sign from you.

And that evening was the last time I saw ur face.That's the first and the last time you saw Orked waved hand telling ta-ta to you.

If I know tis' would happened, and if I know tat' was your last goodbye, I would have kissed ur hand, hug you tighted and asked for your forgiveness dunia akhirat.

Babah, u r such a great father.
I remember Mak Mah told me when you were in Marine Mersing; how u turned back to Pulau Besar after reached Mersing jetty just to get back my selimut bushuukk.. Haha.

Oh my, tat' would be a big sacrifice u made for me.

I remember always the way you combed my loooooong kusut hair.
Made tocang for me.
Playing scrabbles.
Tought me how to read. Tought me how to spelled.

Rempit to teknik PD naik motor abang in the morning if i missed the bus to school.
Or you'll made a letter to my warden asrama so that I can be home every weekend.

Bought me a handphone.
The first handphone ever I got from him, Siemens brand, blue color.

The kancil.
The new rim sukan. 

You have given the world to me.
You have done everything to me.
But I don't have that time to repay it back.

Babah, u leave us so soon.
U said ur gonna live until you reach 90; same like arwah atok.
But u r not.

What about our planned.
The cadar, the handbag, the kain, the tudung....

And u didn't even test drive the car.
I was thinking of given it to u after i send it for 1000KM service.

And how about Ica,
how about us...
how about Alia...
and how about mommy....?

Mommy has been so strong since you left us.
No tears from her eyes but deep inside we know she's sad.
Alhamdulillah, she always besides you until your last breath.

As what I have written earlier in my previous entry on how I wish I can see my future, well I think I need to take my word back. No, I don't want to know.

Now u r safely return back to God. 
Syukur dapat solatkan babah dan sama-sama berdoa meng-amin-kan doa Imam untuk babah.

Your body were forever buried at Tanah Perkuburan Tuan Hj Ahmad Said Seremban and my pray for your serenity till eternity until we met again di Jannah, in sha allah.

Your soul will always be with us. No matter where we are, no matter what we do, In sha allah.

Babah, now I learn, like I will always told my friend to be strong and be redha dan pasrah for loosing their love ones and what God has decided for us, I am now telling the same thing to myself. Now I know I have to be strong too.

Even though I have Razi and the kids, of cos it won't be the same like having you in my 30 years of life. You have witnessing lots of things happened between me and Razi and not even a second you make me feel helpless. You'll always be there for me. Please pray for my happiness, Babah...

I know babah will always watching me from up above, and u'll be forever my guiding star, until one day, hopefully I'll join you up there, and live peacefully in Jannah. 

The last smile you gave to us was the beautiful smile I ever seen in my life. 

My prayer and thoughts will always be with you.



Ya Allah, Ya Rahman, Ya Rahim,
Kau ampunkanlah segala dosa-dosa arwah bapaku.
Kau jauhkanlah arwah bapaku dari siksaan kubur.
Kau jauhkan arwah bapaku dari panasnya api neraka.
Kau kasihanilah arwah bapaku sebagaimana dia mengasihani aku semenjak aku dilahirkan.
Kau terimalah segala amalan kebaikan yang pernah arwah lakukan.
Kau tempatkanlah arwah bapaku di kalangan para solihin.
Aamiin...

Babah,
I love you to bits and pieces, 
to the moon and back.


Regards,
lily

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