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Seremban, Malaysia
A life I live is a story, what's done is done. Where it goes from here is totally up to me. I write my own ending.

Thursday, 8 April 2010

O Lord, send my baby to heaven!

Perjalanan saya di uji lagi, ujian Maha hebat dari Tuhanku. 

Ya Allah, jika ini balasan yang ku terima di atas dosa-dosa ku yang terdahulu, sesungguhnya aku redha, dan ampunilah hamba Mu ini, terimalah taubat ku.

Ya Allah, Ya Rahman, Ya Rahim, beri aku kekuatan agar aku sentiasa berada di jalan-Mu Ya Tuhanku.

**Monolog dari seorang Ibu yang terlampaunya terluka.(anda rasa poyo sgt ke…?)

So, let me begins my story-mory…..

Right now, right here, I am so confused and a bit terkilan; mostly in my life matters recently. Everything seems to be so down and it’s getting lower every minute every second. If only I have some kind of super-power to fight all those miserable things that keep coming to me in every direction (feels like want to have taek-kwan-do class-lah, but regardless that was just a lame statement, nothing goes my way, everything goes out to the drain, alahai Lily..…..)

Eventhough I’m sad but I don’t have the sad story to share! 

Eventhough I’m pissed off, but I don’t have the guts to screwed up!

Eventhough I’m in love, but I know what-ever-things that I said are all shoooo clich√©!

Qada’ & Qadar; that is the word that I’ve been hold on to since what has happened to me lately. Maybe it is my faith to be like this. I try to be strongest person on earth but that was just a lie hiding behind my-self-wall. It’s really taking me for a long thought when this “she” I know didn’t understand how the other “she” feels and keeps blaming these “she” for the other peoples shit (excuse my word). 

However, I need to let things gone be bygone. I know I’ve been walking in circles today and striving hard to reach my finish line but Insya-Allah, in Gods Willing, I’ll find my way how to grab the flag, (even if it takes me to go alone, it will never ever stop me)

I’ve had enough and I’ll do my way now (Lily’s style). 

 Dek kerana terlalu teruja nak adakan Jasmin adik, saya siap letak my Lilypie kat my desktop tetapi akhirnya saya kecewa! (and I will let it be forever on my desktop)

Bon Voyage dear baby.....just want to say goodbye to my 11weeks baby which didn’t turn up to be my beautiful October baby. Me & Jasmin gonna miss u so very much & and our love will always be with you. 

One thing that i should bear in mind is whenever if I'm pregnant again in future, please keep away from stressing and bending thing! (beam pon boleh fail kalau ade too much stress atau bending momen, so Lily, aware of all that!)

And one more thing, if u keep discharging dark brown stain, immediately should meet up with your O&G doctor. Don't wait until the real blood come out!

And to my Jasmin, eventhough you don’t really understand how I feel about the loosing but I know one day you’ll understand. 

Tata baby!
 I'll never forget you baby eventhough you've only here with me, inside my womb for only 10 weeks old.

P/S:If only I have all the strength to keep me survive in every step that I went through. I wish I could save all my love to you oh my dearest hubby but I know I always failed to win your heart (and I still can’t figure it out, till now, why?) I’ve done my part and at the end of the day, I just keep on siiiiiiggghhhhh-ing but it doesn’t mean that I’m giving up.

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